Hi, welcome back. I feel to say this to myself with a sweetly smile. Well, I just run away and get back to here now.
A girl told me, I looked so happy when she was with me. Yes, my mood is better compare to before. But, it doesn't mean I'm ok or happy. What i can say is, I feel better. My family did not knew what i run few hundreds kilometer to home even until now i have return to my campus.
Everyone thought the purpose I went home is to meet my friend who live in city. Nobody know I planed to home and the decision was made in 1 hour before the bus arrive to the bus stop. I still remember what my sister asked me. Why I get back to home in sudden without any early inform or plan? is it the ticket too cheap or I'm rich now?
Doesn't matter. It is not important for me. I start to feel explanation not mean anything if somebody really cant put herself/himself in to ur shoes. May be LOCO know why I want to home. The reason why i run away and home, I think I'm the only one who know the reason at all.
Yes, I went out for movie even I watched it before. And, I also did not finish my assignment during the period. By the way, I learnt something, which is how best it is if somebody accompany u to do something that u want to. The feel is damn good. Really. enjoy it~
The movie is so nice, I did not mind to watch it twice. The movie ask me TO BELIEVE and make thing happen. The movie ask me TO BRAVE and do not scare even nobody with u, just start the thing to show it to other. The movie ask me TO RUN and keep on run even get lost, which is the fact of life, -never stop. < the maze runner >
Now, I have two same ticket which is in different date, different time and different cinema.
The reason why I run away. Yes, I go and find my friend for a movie, may be it is one of the reason. Yes, I just to see my family one, who stand in front of me, face to face, by my eyes. Yes, I'm stress and I feel I can't breath anymore at here. Yes, I know I need a run for myself.
Stand in front of the number, 23, first time I feel I'm not allowed to breath in the earth, it is not a choice, is i cant make it, my body feel "blocked" for that. That's why i choose to run. I need to find something for myself to breath and keep myself alive.
I know how childish and weakness I'm. I'm sorry. Nobody know how it feel in my body. Well, is ok. I will get thorough it. Here, is the reason and explanation that i wrote here, not for other, but for myself.
If can't stop, then keep on run. =)
Monday, September 29, 2014
Friday, September 26, 2014
Learn to be decision maker
I am not a good decision make. Nobody is a leader when he/she was once. May be we need training to make ourselve better. Well, I always feel im not brave enough to make any decision or take risk. But, life is full of challenge and u have to make decision or even take risk. And, i know it.
Sometime I feel I care too much and cause I'm too stress. I am busying on take care everything and everyone to achieve the satisfaction. End up, do i happy or enjoy on it? I always ask myself on that question when i am confusing on where should i stand in the situation.
My boss told me something before and it impress me. It is fresh in mind when I need to make decision. He said, "this is the challenge as a lead (decision maker). You have the full power in making decision. Don’t be afraid of making any of the decision. The key value here is, you can’t make every single people satisfy and happy, so just try you best and you will be happy to see most of them happy."
When i review back now, there is another person told me "no need worry too much". But, i always worry too much and i admit it. The feeling of insecure control my mind. I worry about imprefection and i afraid of failure. Keep on throwback ur life, i will realise a lot of story in ur life. It can be a short story or a chapter to chapter story.
There is another person in my mind for this topic. He feel sorry to throw every decision to me. It was his mistake. He ask me to learn to make decisions It will bring me very far. Actually, some of the things here, he do is to test my skills in decision. He told me, "when I said u can, meaning i will support u if u really cant." Remember, you live everyday to create miracle. When u're at a level of great flexibility and confidence, anything is achievable.
Well, I learnt a lot from him, I learnt a lot from them and I'm still learning. I think I have fail many of them. I disappointed them. Im sorry. I feel sad on myself.
I not sure what im following is in correct or incorrect direction. I know i still will follow it, my sixth sense guide me that. The person apologize to me because he put me in a hard situation. Yes, it is. But, i have the responsibility as well, i also feel sorry to him. I believe answer will come to me in the end of the story.
Somebody said i have learn a lot compare with other. Well, I'm not sure and I cant see it by myself. May be yes. May be no. I hope I'm. =)
Sometime I feel I care too much and cause I'm too stress. I am busying on take care everything and everyone to achieve the satisfaction. End up, do i happy or enjoy on it? I always ask myself on that question when i am confusing on where should i stand in the situation.
My boss told me something before and it impress me. It is fresh in mind when I need to make decision. He said, "this is the challenge as a lead (decision maker). You have the full power in making decision. Don’t be afraid of making any of the decision. The key value here is, you can’t make every single people satisfy and happy, so just try you best and you will be happy to see most of them happy."
When i review back now, there is another person told me "no need worry too much". But, i always worry too much and i admit it. The feeling of insecure control my mind. I worry about imprefection and i afraid of failure. Keep on throwback ur life, i will realise a lot of story in ur life. It can be a short story or a chapter to chapter story.
There is another person in my mind for this topic. He feel sorry to throw every decision to me. It was his mistake. He ask me to learn to make decisions It will bring me very far. Actually, some of the things here, he do is to test my skills in decision. He told me, "when I said u can, meaning i will support u if u really cant." Remember, you live everyday to create miracle. When u're at a level of great flexibility and confidence, anything is achievable.
Well, I learnt a lot from him, I learnt a lot from them and I'm still learning. I think I have fail many of them. I disappointed them. Im sorry. I feel sad on myself.
I not sure what im following is in correct or incorrect direction. I know i still will follow it, my sixth sense guide me that. The person apologize to me because he put me in a hard situation. Yes, it is. But, i have the responsibility as well, i also feel sorry to him. I believe answer will come to me in the end of the story.
Somebody said i have learn a lot compare with other. Well, I'm not sure and I cant see it by myself. May be yes. May be no. I hope I'm. =)
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
reality and life
People are angry on u when u are angry on them. It may happen together at the same time. Remember, not only u have the right to angry on other.
Ya. When i complain on other, may be he/she also not satisfy on my attitude. Don't complain on other and make sure u also has to do ur best in the part.
Tell people WHY they need to do so. Everything happen with a reason and related to self-benefit before he/she take the action. This is all about reality and life.
Someone show me WHY. I learn how to handle staff in mature way. There is a DONT and DO believe.
Ya. When i complain on other, may be he/she also not satisfy on my attitude. Don't complain on other and make sure u also has to do ur best in the part.
Tell people WHY they need to do so. Everything happen with a reason and related to self-benefit before he/she take the action. This is all about reality and life.
Someone show me WHY. I learn how to handle staff in mature way. There is a DONT and DO believe.
God won't give you challenge or let you give you obstacles that you can't solve
quantity or quality? Which one should come first?
I feel confuse when i stand on the position of decision maker. A list with name will come to my mind at this moment, i think of my friend and my boss. I start to suspend myself in term of capability and i lose my mind in how to believe on others.
We have a decision inside our deep heart. We just hope for support from other to decide it. It is all about confidence. Confidence build a person to lead her/his life, it can be generated by herself/himself or others. In another word, it is a support to believe that we can make something happen.
By the way, i have a feel. I able to achieve and make it happen. I not sure where is the strong feeling come from. But, i know it will happen. I can make it happen and show to the world. Everything happen with a reason. All the obstacle i meet is to train myself to be better. It is a lovely gift from God. God won't give you challenge or let you give you obstacles that you can't solve.
Yes. Accept it. I am ready non matter how hard it is. Now, time to make it happen, not for u to sit and complain here. =)
I feel confuse when i stand on the position of decision maker. A list with name will come to my mind at this moment, i think of my friend and my boss. I start to suspend myself in term of capability and i lose my mind in how to believe on others.
We have a decision inside our deep heart. We just hope for support from other to decide it. It is all about confidence. Confidence build a person to lead her/his life, it can be generated by herself/himself or others. In another word, it is a support to believe that we can make something happen.
By the way, i have a feel. I able to achieve and make it happen. I not sure where is the strong feeling come from. But, i know it will happen. I can make it happen and show to the world. Everything happen with a reason. All the obstacle i meet is to train myself to be better. It is a lovely gift from God. God won't give you challenge or let you give you obstacles that you can't solve.
Yes. Accept it. I am ready non matter how hard it is. Now, time to make it happen, not for u to sit and complain here. =)
i hate the feeling of wait
I hate to wait and the feeling of wait.
I dont mind to wait those who are late, but not always and over late for few hours without inform. For my boy, please dont let me wait u without any reason. i can wait for u and i dont mind. but, no excuse.
Honestly, i really hate the feeling of wait. The feeling can be concluded as "waiting is killing". U not able to count how many cells in ur bodys have been killing while u waiting for something or someone. Somemore, it wastes time. I sure i always will fight with my boy if he late. I hate to wait.
Hey, at least inform others on why u late.
我真的感觉自己委屈生气了
从那天我告诉自己“不可以再气头上做决定”起，我就知道凡事不在中立和理智的情况下，我都把自己当下的方法当作疯子，不可以拿做认真。
我知道现在我是在情绪上，我知道我是在意气用事，我更是处在起头上。但是，我真的真的受够了，我受很多了……我也不要，我什么都不要……我真的很累很累……很委屈，要低微自己去成全别人的高尚，甚至硬硬拿热脸去贴别人的冷屁股……重点是，我觉得我很委屈自己。
我答应过自己，就算再辛苦和在困难的环境里，凡事都不可以委屈自己。
为什么我要那么低
就说我小气好了……就说以为我大方不在意好了……说什么都可以。
我不是想象中那么坚强，有能力，有自信的人。我已经开始质疑我自己，为什么我要继续去相信？每一次的相信最后都没有实践。这让我真的开始失去相信的能力了……而且我非常讨厌这种感觉和这样的自己。
如果你真的忙……如果我真的没有那样的能力……如果我连累了你……如果和如果，拜托你另请高明吧…… 去找你疼惜和相信你的人和你继续朝向相信去实践。对不起。我比谁都更清楚我自己，我一旦下了决定，忆一切覆水难收。
我不是24小时守候和待命的。我也有自己的事情要处理。如果我奉陪你每一次的要求，谁会像我那么傻一样奉陪不拒绝我每一次的请求呢？
你有本事，就证明给我看我是错的，就说服我再次对你另眼相看……
或许，从头到尾，这机会，根本就不该是我的。如果这个机会是落在他人手里，或许现在他们拥有一群朋友一起在努力，而且一切顺利稳固多了。
对不起。我生气了。
对不起。我真的觉得委屈，没有人珍惜和分担。
我知道现在我是在情绪上，我知道我是在意气用事，我更是处在起头上。但是，我真的真的受够了，我受很多了……我也不要，我什么都不要……我真的很累很累……很委屈，要低微自己去成全别人的高尚，甚至硬硬拿热脸去贴别人的冷屁股……重点是，我觉得我很委屈自己。
我答应过自己，就算再辛苦和在困难的环境里，凡事都不可以委屈自己。
为什么我要那么低
就说我小气好了……就说以为我大方不在意好了……说什么都可以。
我不是想象中那么坚强，有能力，有自信的人。我已经开始质疑我自己，为什么我要继续去相信？每一次的相信最后都没有实践。这让我真的开始失去相信的能力了……而且我非常讨厌这种感觉和这样的自己。
如果你真的忙……如果我真的没有那样的能力……如果我连累了你……如果和如果，拜托你另请高明吧…… 去找你疼惜和相信你的人和你继续朝向相信去实践。对不起。我比谁都更清楚我自己，我一旦下了决定，忆一切覆水难收。
我不是24小时守候和待命的。我也有自己的事情要处理。如果我奉陪你每一次的要求，谁会像我那么傻一样奉陪不拒绝我每一次的请求呢？
你有本事，就证明给我看我是错的，就说服我再次对你另眼相看……
或许，从头到尾，这机会，根本就不该是我的。如果这个机会是落在他人手里，或许现在他们拥有一群朋友一起在努力，而且一切顺利稳固多了。
对不起。我生气了。
对不起。我真的觉得委屈，没有人珍惜和分担。
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