Are you able not do you?

13 March, 2016

Someone asked me, "Are you able not do you?" I can't catch it and asked why. The person asked me not to be myself in my Facebook share. Be honest here, I'm not happy on what I heard even until today. I just want to be who I am all the time, the one who is honest and real with a sincere heart.

I know the reason behind. It is for my own good in term of carry the company's image and expectation. It is all about work and my career. I'm still fresh. I joined the work a few months ago and I found a lot of story here which I didn't see it when I was student. People change when come to work after you stepped out from the study. Yes, it is true. I understand the ROI, return of investment.

My heart feels sad when I saw how others treat the person good is to request for a return. Yes, I am not a student anymore and I must remember of it.

I should forget the past and move forward for tomorrow. A person without the past, how she/he create the future? I get a good pay for my job compare to who are same age with me. I get a double up of my salary, I should carry double stress they are carrying now.

I love my job and I did. But, I'm not good enough to carry the role and this is what I feel sad deeply. I force myself to go hard and further, I really hope I can do it. I hope can I grow up faster and don't disappointed those who keep on giving me a chance.

I worked with expert and professional. I shouldn't compare myself with them. But, I feel remorse by not reducing my team's workload but they need to share my workload and guide me before I can stand alone.

4 months is passed and I leave only 2 months to prove myself. If not, I will not able to stay here...