STOP to cover other for every time and nobody will backup u as well

Long time i did not come back to my blog and typing for english. I know my English is bad, sometime i purposely dont want to use it because i dont want to show out my weakness to other. But, i know it is not the right mindset.

I used to be good to other. From time to time, i start to confuse on myself, just a simple question that i not able to answer it. What i wish for? what i want? what i like? People told me, i can always complete all the tasks which assigned by other to me, never worry about me.

I start to confuse on what they are thinking.. i feel strange to people who around me, we are friends, or we are not? what is the meaning of friends? i cant feel it. i feel im lost. Do u think i able to make better than u all? Or u are finding a replacement for u to leave?

Real friend who really will scold u, but they still will backup u afterword without any single word of complaint. A few nights ago, she scolded me. I know she dont want i drag too much of time on thinking on this same question again and again.

But, i really dont know what i want. Just like what i said, i can complete all the task which assigned by others, i does not hate it and i also does not particularly like it so much. May be i need more time o complete it compare to others.

I like what the girl scold me, she ask me dont always find a excuse for helping other, friends not mean on that. I no need to cover or backup other for every time, and nobody do that for me as well. Friendship and relationship, it does not mean that. She told me because of something she could not bear watching.

I not sure what she mean on that and what she know. May be, she saw other are bullying me in the manner way where gain self-benefit from me.

May be im too kind on other until forget on myself. Like what i said, if i can take out 20% from how i be good to other, and spend on myself, i think i will be better, prettier and healthier for myself. When i recall how other complain on me and though how strong im to complete all the tasks until take care of me, i feel im cheap enough. im sad on that. actually, i can be a better me and just for myself.

May be, time for me to say NO and stop to be angle.