原以为离开，开始准备一切离开，但现在却还在。
老天爷赐给我一股热血，使我很容易被点燃，却忘了我也有失落的时候。
妈妈说，她可怜（心疼）我。
我的工作没有日夜，没有假期，常常往外跑，每天三更半夜才回家。
其实，我都没有。
我告诉她，我不是这个月假期了吗？我的确有假期，还一次性假期一个月了。
我有往外跑，我有很迟回家，的确有我自己的任性的原因，也有在外寻看世界。
我不敢睡，在想是否该继续这样的生活。
我不是没有热忱，是我的热忱被打败了。
当质疑多了，认同也就少了。
是我真的迷路了，是我真的失去信心了，还是我真的那么无能发挥？
我不是不累，我是……不敢睡，担心着明天。
我是否改签？我是否该坚持去突破？
Monday, July 4, 2016
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Are you able not do you?
13 March, 2016
Someone asked me, "Are you able not do you?" I can't catch it and asked why. The person asked me not to be myself in my Facebook share. Be honest here, I'm not happy on what I heard even until today. I just want to be who I am all the time, the one who is honest and real with a sincere heart.
I know the reason behind. It is for my own good in term of carry the company's image and expectation. It is all about work and my career. I'm still fresh. I joined the work a few months ago and I found a lot of story here which I didn't see it when I was student. People change when come to work after you stepped out from the study. Yes, it is true. I understand the ROI, return of investment.
My heart feels sad when I saw how others treat the person good is to request for a return. Yes, I am not a student anymore and I must remember of it.
I should forget the past and move forward for tomorrow. A person without the past, how she/he create the future? I get a good pay for my job compare to who are same age with me. I get a double up of my salary, I should carry double stress they are carrying now.
I love my job and I did. But, I'm not good enough to carry the role and this is what I feel sad deeply. I force myself to go hard and further, I really hope I can do it. I hope can I grow up faster and don't disappointed those who keep on giving me a chance.
I worked with expert and professional. I shouldn't compare myself with them. But, I feel remorse by not reducing my team's workload but they need to share my workload and guide me before I can stand alone.
4 months is passed and I leave only 2 months to prove myself. If not, I will not able to stay here...
Someone asked me, "Are you able not do you?" I can't catch it and asked why. The person asked me not to be myself in my Facebook share. Be honest here, I'm not happy on what I heard even until today. I just want to be who I am all the time, the one who is honest and real with a sincere heart.
I know the reason behind. It is for my own good in term of carry the company's image and expectation. It is all about work and my career. I'm still fresh. I joined the work a few months ago and I found a lot of story here which I didn't see it when I was student. People change when come to work after you stepped out from the study. Yes, it is true. I understand the ROI, return of investment.
My heart feels sad when I saw how others treat the person good is to request for a return. Yes, I am not a student anymore and I must remember of it.
I should forget the past and move forward for tomorrow. A person without the past, how she/he create the future? I get a good pay for my job compare to who are same age with me. I get a double up of my salary, I should carry double stress they are carrying now.
I love my job and I did. But, I'm not good enough to carry the role and this is what I feel sad deeply. I force myself to go hard and further, I really hope I can do it. I hope can I grow up faster and don't disappointed those who keep on giving me a chance.
I worked with expert and professional. I shouldn't compare myself with them. But, I feel remorse by not reducing my team's workload but they need to share my workload and guide me before I can stand alone.
4 months is passed and I leave only 2 months to prove myself. If not, I will not able to stay here...
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